You know that thing where you’re finally making progress on something important – maybe you’re consistently working out, or things are going well in a relationship, or you’re actually studying for once – and then suddenly you just… stop? Like, you literally sabotage the good thing you’ve got going?
Yeah, that. You’re not broken, and you’re not weak. You’re just human, and self-sabotage is one of the most human things we do.
Here’s the wild part: we don’t sabotage ourselves because we hate ourselves (though it might feel that way). We do it because some part of us is actually trying to protect us. Maybe success feels scary because you’ve never seen what healthy success looks like. Maybe getting close to people feels dangerous because you’ve been hurt before. Maybe achieving your goals means you’ll have to become someone new, and that unknown version of yourself feels threatening.
Brianna Wiest puts it perfectly in The Mountain Is You when she explains that self-sabotage isn’t the enemy – it’s a signal. It’s your internal system hitting the brakes because something about moving forward feels unsafe, even when logically you know it’s what you want.
The thing is, most of us try to fight self-sabotage with more willpower, more motivation, more “just push through it.” But that’s like trying to drive with the emergency brake on and just pressing harder on the gas pedal. You’ll burn out your engine before you get anywhere.
Real change happens when you get curious about why you’re hitting the brakes in the first place. What is your self-sabotage trying to protect you from? What would it feel like to actually succeed? What would you have to give up or leave behind? Sometimes our sabotage is mourning an old version of ourselves that kept us safe, even if it kept us small.
Self-mastery isn’t about becoming someone who never struggles or never has setbacks. It’s about developing the awareness to catch yourself in those moments and ask better questions. Instead of “Why do I always do this?” try “What is this trying to tell me?” Instead of “I’m so stupid,” try “What do I need to feel safe enough to move forward?”
As Wiest writes in The Mountain Is You, we have to stop trying to move the mountain and start learning how to climb it. Your patterns of self-sabotage aren’t obstacles to overcome – they’re information about what you need to heal and grow.
The most rebellious thing you can do in a world that profits from your insecurity is to actually believe you deserve the good things you’re working toward. Your future self is waiting for you to stop getting in your own way and start getting curious about why you’re standing still.
You’ve got everything you need to climb your mountain. Sometimes you just need to understand why you keep walking in circles at the base.
Salt + Cedar Collective 